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Dear Evan, I think your male point of view may help women spot the good guys. You advise us to be careful with the alphas and Mr. They link a low profile, at least for a while. I wish there was a way — a kind of test for women to figure out who can walk their talks, who is genuinely compassionate and kind, before we got emotionally invested. I observe how they treat waiters etc. If your biggest concern is that everyone puts on his best face for a long time, then the ONLY thing you can do is sit back and observe him.

How do I know this? Because, by your logic, my wife would have weeded me out really early on. Check out these red flags.

COMMENTS (71)

So even though she could tell that I had a wide alpha-male, know-it-all streak, it was always tempered by the fact that I was sensitive, open and honest with her — even when I was confused about our future. If she had pressed me after one month or three months as to whether I intended on marrying her, it would have been a mistake.

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And that, to me, Ashley, is your blind spot. Pay attention to click the following article your boyfriend shares the same life goals as you. Read article he passes that test, he may be worth your time. The best you can do, as you clearly did Evan, is be honest and upfront.

Have a great day Grace. You can weed out most time wasters in just a couple months by delaying sex for 2 months and exclusivity. I still do have great faith in men on this one — 90 percent of time wasters reveal themselves as such by the six week mark. Kindof tiresome since we all know looks have absolutely nothing to do with what kind of partner or person someone is.

I do understand what Ashley is saying. You are like a sledge-hammer my man. Now I feel pretty stupid for not picking up on the the cues. For ignoring the red flags. For accepting the unacceptable.

And, for not treating the dating game as Confused Dating A Man In His 40s Sitting Bull College as I treat my work related recruitment best tip ever by the way. The very day after the wedding, he tore a magazine out of my hands, threw it out of the window and called me a bitch. Totally out of the blue. I had paid for the wedding. I thought it was an anomaly. If he had done that prior to marriage, I would have walked away. Now, I know what to look for — they usually out themselves way before 3 years — usually on the first date.

But then, I am now extremely stringent and NO exceptions, excuses or bending of boundaries. I know this now. Finally, I have boundaries. Michelle, being very attractive is similar to being very wealthy, and it complicates things a lot.

Does a prospective partner like you, or do they like your looks or money? I am told that I am very attractive, and I have only found players that wanted me for my body. Yes the players are out there… So good at charming, doing and saying all the right things… to win you over.

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They kind of turn into zombies. I dont think its anything they can really help, its a natural reaction just like it is for me when i see an attractive man. They then act accordingly to achieve their goal. I am not saying they dont want to have sex with the average looking but that distracting desire is not there. He is focused on you. Like men do, if they achieve this goal too soon, they didnt have anything else to keep them around so they lose interest or only want sex afterward.

I have actually found several articles and opinions about this and even discussed this with a close male friend.

This is a real thing. I think it has a lot to do with why a lot of attractive people are single and confused as to why. A real gentleman whose goal is a serious commitment may be able to control his desires because i had that once.

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Want to say i really think that especially for more attractive people, waiting for sex is definitely the best thing to do of you want a serious commitment, and to weed out the fakes. But a good rule for everyone, obviously. I think the OP is referring to men who are not like this, and more than a few of them exist, unfortunately.

And I think the men who make the best husbands, the men I look at who are committed to their family and wives, well, sorry but they were NOT players before marriage. Players lie, cheat, manipulate, and typically want more than one woman.

My roommates friend nailed a player, real titles, boyfriend, girlfriend, he even talked of marriage and kids, and she ended it with him, but low and beyold the player that oh, so reformed, he had cheated and bragged about it see more times.

I totally agree with you. These men, even if they do end up marring someone down the road, will not be a good husband and probably will hurt or cheat on their spouse in the long run. Useful advice although I also think Evan you were lucky to find your wife. Are we talking about an emotional investment? Or just a time investment?

Or that he is only interested in himself?

No search term specified. Walking tours See a bit of the city and chat about what you come across! I had this warm feeling in my heart when I was walking around there, and I knew that's where he was born.

Superficial attraction may equal lots of dates but it never is a guarantee for true love. It kind of jars with me. Should I put those standards back up again? I think you definitely should put those standards back up! From my experience I know — good men exist. The hard part is to meet one: There is no perfect formula how to do it. Some people find their sole mates in high school and other might search for decades. There r a few things that help: For women, chemistry can cloud the equation and blind us to their faults.

Even our female friends can be won over by the charm of a narcissist. Look how this can be used in a positive way: MEN are generally not fooled. They have a gut feeling about it.

And generally speaking, they will tell you. I really like what you say here: That I kept absolutely no secrets.

I could feel the vibes too. It is possible that the first time two Irish people on a date met, there had been drink taken. I should have known this when I messed up with this seductive beach.

That I really did want to settle down and start a family. That my moral code and integrity were my most valued traits. I struggle with the two year thing yet I respectfully understand why you suggest it but I certainly see the value in staying with a man longer without any type of commitment when the above qualities are there in the person you are or are falling in love with.

The most troubling point would be the last one, but fortunately for everyone, EMK made the right decision in the end. Many men just see more their confusion and ambivalence will out.

Evan, I have been ready your website for about a year now and have spent more than an few hrs reading old postings as well. I have gone out with year old women during the past 18 months. Many DO want an answer at days if you are now in an exclusive relationship. I get that, and think its reasonable.

But many want to be close to arranging a wedding or move in date within mths… not 2 years. I think this is completely fair and most men who are interested are eager to be exclusive at this point. Plus, the fail to consider the situation from your side. Your concern is not at all overblown, Greg.

Neither is a woman who makes an eager man wait two years before engagement. So hold your ground, my friend, and remind your girlfriends that the right man will choose her on HIS reasonable timetable.

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The more she pushes for a ring out of fear, the less likely she is to get one. In my experience, it is the opposite. The last gentleman I dated 54 y. Another gentleman I dated previously within a few months was talking about moving together. Do not generalize please. There are a lot of lonely and needy people out there unfortunately, link of their gender.

But would you feel comfortable around a woman who is confident, independent, self-respectful and is choosing on HER reasonable timetable?