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The Secrets to Surviving Infidelity - with Dr. Scott Haltzman

Surviving Infidelity: A Step-by-Step Guide to Healing | Speaking of Marriage

Advice, information and resources for surviving infidelity. Steps for recovering from an affair. Faithful partner – depression, anxiety, obsessive thoughts, and post dramatic stress disorder type symptoms, can make the grieving process a lengthy one. An individual who seeks professional help, and receives coping skills can fast track this stage significantly. For some individuals, medication may be needed, in order to. 27 Apr Be willing to listen to your spouse talk about the pain of the betrayal without blaming or being defensive. It can be tempting to say, “haven't we gone over this all before?” when most partners require many conversations before they are able to begin the healing process. This cannot be bypassed or rushed.

The Aftermath of Discovery: Cheating, and Infidelity Expert. Danine Manette Ultimate Betrayal. This is the phase where you are simply in disbelief. You cannot comprehend that your spouse was physically or emotionally intimate with someone other than yourself.

You start piecing the puzzle together and realize that so much of your reality was actually a lie. During this phase you are simply in a fog while you try to make sense of what is going on and source out if this is all some sort of bad dream.

5 Ways Cheating Cheats the Cheater

You begin to realize that this is actually happening and not some cruel joke. During this phase you may become physically ill and find you are simply unable to get out of bed, go to work, or interact with others in your world. It is not uncommon for you to have episodes of crying, throwing things, breaking objects, screaming, fighting, and generally behaving way out of control.

You cannot see past the anger and may choose to express your rage in ways that are dangerous, unhealthy, or illegal. This is the point where you are the most dangerous. You are not thinking clearly and simply click to enact revenge upon those who you feel have wronged you. Thoughts of a revenge affair move to the fore-front of your mind and you may begin thinking of who you can sleep with in order to even the score with your spouse.

Please remember, this phase will pass, and Coping With Infidelity The Recovery Process emotional decisions rooted in pain often lead to actions which one later regrets. At this point the initial, violent, active rage subsides and you are left with a dull ache and the feeling of being emotionally wiped out.

This is typically the time when you can begin to entertain the notion of reconciliation, or begin taking steps to end the marriage. Although deeply hurt, you begin thinking more logically and are not as consumed with revenge but rather are more interested in taking an assessment of your life, goals and where you would like your marriage to go from here. During this phase, you are often simply too tired to fight, cry or re-live the horror 24 hours a day, and are beginning to desire closure, one Coping With Infidelity The Recovery Process or another.

If you are planning and able to put your marriage back together, this is the point where you need complete, unwavering, total cooperation from the cheater. All these things are detrimental to the recovery of the relationship and make it nearly impossible for there to ever be true healing.

If you are not planning to put your marriage back together then this is the time you need to begin seeking space and time fillers. I don't mean people that you run to on the rebound and then screw up their lives for the sake of your recovery. I mean activities and interests that you move to the front of your life in order to fill up the empty space left by the loss of companionship. This will be a lonely time but if you choose to sit around sulking and feeling sorry for yourself, you will remain in this space indefinitely.

This is a difficult phase regardless of whether you are trying to repair your current relationship or begin a new one.

Most find it agonizing. I saw dirty chats with one of his colleague when I asked him he denied it that he had nothing with her and kept telling me all sort of lies. About a week ago she admitted the affair and over this last weekend it blew up on her. Be strong, dump that horrible loser stay from the idiotic therapists. You are commenting using your Twitter account.

I don't advise beginning a new one anytime soon, however, because you need time to heal and be comfortable being with yourself before bringing another person into your world.

This is an extremely long, slow process which plain and simply can only improve with the passage of time. But, as previously mentioned, if the cheater is Coping With Infidelity The Recovery Process helping you along in the process then it simply will not work. Additionally, if you are dealing with a serial cheater, or one who continues to cheat even though they have vowed fidelity, this process will never end.

Therefore, you likely can not, nor will not, ever rebuild the trust necessary for a healthy marriage. Triggers are certain names, places and events which painfully remind you of the time your spouse was having an affair.


Often looking back at old photos will become a trigger if in the photo you are standing there smiling at the camera, unaware that your spouse was sleeping with someone else at the time. There is really no remedy for triggers or way to avoid them.

The only thing to do is to keep from obsessing over them and driving yourself crazy about things which you cannot control.

Recovery from an Affair | Psychology Today

This is the point when you need to figure out whether or not you will be able to continue in your present relationship. Of course, it will never be the same, and following traumatic events you must settle into your "new reality". But, can you continue to live in this manner? Do you feel comfortable that you will be able to trust your spouse again and not keep beating them over the head everyday with questions and comments about the affair?

Have they taken responsibility for their actions, tried to repair the relationship, and vowed never to repeat the behavior?

Therefore, you likely can not, nor will not, ever rebuild the trust necessary for a healthy marriage. The initial shock and deep betrayal can rock your confidence, and make you feel like everything you have ever known is collapsing. This second phase of affair recovery comes after the crisis has ebbed and you are moving past your intense anger and confusion.

If so, and if you feel that with time the relationship can be fixed, then moving on in your marriage is a realistic goal. If not, then reconciliation is not a realistic Coping With Infidelity The Recovery Process goal. Only you can do the assessment here, and although input from others might be nice, in the long run you need to take this time to access what is in your best interest yourself.

Yes, it does take time, but you will emerge from this a healthier, stronger more aware person. Hopefully you will recognize that you cannot entrust another individual with total responsibility for your happiness.

During this process, you should do quite a bit of soul searching in order to discover if there was anything you could have done differently to strengthen the bond in your relationship. Becoming too needy, and overly dependent upon your spouse is never a good thing.

Coping With Infidelity The Recovery Process

Therefore, you need to develop hobbies, friends and interests of your own. That way if your relationship does not work out, you have a cushion to fall on, and if it does work out, you have used this experience for personal growth. There is a lot to be learned about yourself, your spouse and your relationship Coping With Infidelity The Recovery Process an affair. Be sure not to look past the lesson, read article order to stay in.

Remember, that which does not kill us makes us stronger. Although nothing excuses an affair, ask yourself: Was I the best, most loving,attentive spouse I could have been? You'd be surprised by the number of people who don't have your best interest in mind. You will be better served by relinquishing the old relationship and building a new one. Often a new anniversary date, a new way of communicating with each other, and a renewed commitment to working together in the relationship are essential.

So you've confirmed that your mate is cheating, you're feeling confused and alone in your grief, and you're wondering what comes next in this process.

Coping With Infidelity The Recovery Process

Well, let me walk you through the steps, and what you can expect to find down this long, dark road toward recovery.