When to have "the dreaded herpes talk"
Pick the Right Setting
19 Jan The most pressing question many of my clients with genital herpes have, even more than worry about how to tell someone their dating that they have herpes, is when to tell someone they're dating that they have herpes. Most of the clients who work with me are looking for a relationship as opposed to casual. 12 Oct Herpes is an incredibly common STD, but informing potential partners about it can still be hard. Here, two women (and an ob/gyn) explain how to do it. 18 Jun When you're open about the fact that you have herpes (as I am), you get asked all the time if there is a foolproof, non-awkward way to tell a new sexual partner that you have an STD. Sorry to let you down, but there is no one-size-fits all script for disclosure (if you've found one, please e-mail it to me).
You must tell your partner you have genital herpes. If you pick the right time and say it the right way, there's a good chance things will work out OK. Think about how you want your partner to take the news.
Accordingly, some people choose not to tell. Most of the clients who work with me describe themselves as preferring sex within the context of a relationship. Click here if you would like to get a copy of the information booklet "The Facts: You might even be surprised to learn that your partner has been equally concerned about telling you that they have genital herpes or another sexual infection.
Do you want it to seem like a huge problem? Of course not, so don't present it that way. If you say, "I have some awful news for you," your partner will likely take it as awful news.
Instead, be casual, direct, and unemotional. Also avoid suggesting how he or she should react, especially in the negative.
If you say, "You're going to freak out when you hear this," or "Don't freak out, but Simply say you have genital herpesand ask if he or she knows what that means. Be prepared to present the facts.
The Dating Den - When Do I Tell Someone I’m Dating That I Have Herpes?
Before you tell, learn all you can about genital herpes so you can be prepared to answer any questions your partner may have. Stress that it's very common. Hearing the one-in-five statistic could be a relief.
Also explain what it means to have it. Some people get sores on their genitals occasionally, but many others get symptoms so mild they don't even notice them. You don't want to load the discussion with negative imagery.
If you find these posts helpful, you can sign up for my newsletter here. Some people recognise certain trigger factors which contribute to an outbreak. This is where having good written information helps. Have you ever had a cold sore?
Although genital herpes is a disease, saying that you have this "disease" conjures up unpleasant images, so avoid using that word. Don't describe your condition as "horrible," "disgusting," or "incurable.
In addition to language, the setting can affect the outcome, too. Don't interrupt what your partner is doing to break the news. That is, don't call him or her at work, or barge into a room and say, "Hey, we have to talk.
The right setting is a relaxing one, just the two of you, click there won't be any distractions. A conversation over a quiet dinner or a walk in the park is preferable to a bowling alley or the supermarket. The worst time to tell, other than after having sexis during foreplay or when your clothes are already off.
That would not only spoil the mood, but it could also annoy your partner. It is usually best to let the topic come up naturally in conversation. That way, it will seem less like a bombshell and more like any other development in your life. For example, you could say, "Just so you know, my doctor called me yesterday with some test results, and said I have the virus that causes genital herpes. If you've never slept with the person before, it's not impolite to ask if he or she has any sexually transmitted diseases.
Learn as Much as You Can About Genital Herpes First
You could start the conversation by being the first one to ask. It's possible that he or she might start giving you the same herpes information you had been preparing to give.
It's also possible that your partner might take the news badly no matter how well you deliver it. In that case, don't get defensive. Allow him or her some time to think it over in private, calm down, and come to terms with it.
It may not be the first challenge you've faced together, and if the relationship is valuable enough to continue, it won't be the last. Learn as Much as You Can About Genital Herpes First Read article you tell, learn all you can about genital herpes so you can be prepared to answer any questions your partner may have. Continued The worst time How Do I Tell Someone I Have Herpes tell, other than after having sexis during foreplay or when your clothes are already off.